Silly Simon Peter & The Wonky Yellow Ladder
The last adventure of Silly Simon
(The parable of the missing rung)
Hello Boys and Girls,
Today I’d like to tell you a little story about Silly Simon (AKA Peter). I hope you like it.
Once upon a time there was a little boy who didn’t realise he was silly, he thought he was clever…. so please say hello to silly Simon….. “Hello Silly Simon”
Hello Silly Simon (AKA Peter)
Silly Simon thought he was a clever little boy and he decided he was so special that he must have been made of pure gold. Anyway, one day Silly Simon discovered a ladder that he also thought was made of gold too, and because he thought he was clever, he thought he would try to get to the top of the golden ladder just to see what was up there.
One Day Silly Simon discovers a ladder
The ladder was missing the bottom rung, which as you know, boys and girls, makes it a bit wobbly and unsafe. Doesn’t it? The ladder should have been checked properly and I’m sure our mummy and daddy would be very cross with us if we went climbing up a ladder that wasn’t very safe, wouldn’t they? But Silly Simon in his haste, being so clever, decided to ignore the missing rung just so he could see what was at the top of the ladder without any delay. So to save his precious time he just used a worker to ‘hold it for him’ whilst he went to see what was up there. Silly Simon was so quick and eager to jump on to the second rung of the ladder, that he soon forgot all about the missing rung and he even forgot all about the worker who had actually held the ladder so it would be safe for him to climb it.
Silly Simon was so silly that he thought he was made of gold and that the worker that held the ladder was just a Silly Billy who was only made of jelly and ice-cream, and therefore only there to hold the ladder for Simon because he was made of gold. Simon thought he was much more cleverer than someone made of jelly and ice-cream. Silly Simon only saw what he wanted to see when it suited him to see it. He was naughty silly Simon. And we know what happens to silly boys when they are naughty don’t we boys and girls.
Way-Up… Silly Simon was on the second rung, in a flash, soon forgetting all about anyone holding the ladder or that the rung was missing.
Silly Simon decided he was so clever and it had been so easy for him to get on the ladder that he could just dance around on it and play games. He enjoyed playing games and he believed, because he was so clever, that no one else could see him playing games. Silly Simon got so wrapped up in his games on the ladder that one day he even forgot what the ladder he discovered was really discovered for. He was literally so lost in his own cleverness that, one day he even thought he was even cleverer than himself at his cleverest.
What a silly boy.
Silly Silly Simon decided he was so clever he could dance around on the ladder. He was lost in his own cleverness.
People on the ground tried to shout up to Silly Simon but he could not and would not listen. He simply couldn’t hear anyone but himself because he was so so far far up in the clouds that all he could hear was his own cleverness. And of course don’t forget, boys and girls, Simon thought he was made of gold didn’t he? So his ears did not work anyway. We all need our ears to work if we want to hear don’t we?
Silly Simon’s golden ears could not hear anything
Silly Simon was dancing around so much that even his clothes started to fall off. Because Simon thought he was made of gold he could not actually see his outer clothes falling off because his eyes did not work. Both his eyes and his ears were out of order simply because Simon thought they were made of gold anyway. Silly Simon didn’t know he wasn’t really made of gold and because he was lost in his own cleverness he didn’t know he was really only made of puppy dog poo and dirty puddle water. Poor silly Simon did not know what he was really made of. 
Silly Simon’s clothes start to fall off
But the more Simon danced around and played games on the ladder the more his clothes fell apart, and because of this the puddle water and puppy poo under the clothes started to splash around. Eventually Silly Simon started to see what he was really made of because his clothes could no longer hide the truth. The puppy poo and puddle water splashed in his eyes and he had no choice but to realise the hard way that he wasn’t made of gold. He saw he was really made of puppy poo and he saw he was really only a dirty puddle, one that showed his true reflection. Simon then started to panic because he realised that if he was indeed really puppy poo and puddle water, not gold, then where was the ladder really taking him? Silly Simon’s clever brain really started to hurt him then and Silly Simon realised that he was not as clever as he first thought he was. Silly Boy.
Simon realises he was not made of gold (Oh dear Silly – Silly Simon)
Simon suddenly realised that he was not made of gold and Simon suddenly realised that the ladder was not made of gold either, it was simply made of yellow plastic, just like Simon was yellow and plastic in a certain way too. Silly Simon realised he was made of puddle water and puppy dog poo! (Oh dear!)
Once the truth really dawned on Silly Simon he knew something would happen, then one day, right out of the blue, Simon heard a big loud voice in the sky. It was baby Jesus, boys and girls, but he was grown up now. Jesus’ Daddy had taught baby Jesus all about silly little boys like Silly Simon, when he was a baby, so he knew what to do with people like Silly Simon in this world, Jesus always knows what to do doesn’t he?
And sure enough The BIG voice of Jesus said to Silly Simon “Get thee behind me, Satan; thou art an offense to me: for thou savorest not the things that are of God, but those that are of men.” When the big voice said this a little bit of ‘puddle poo’ trickled out of Simon’s smelly bottom. Silly smelly Simon.
As we know, boys and girls, baby Jesus grew up to say things like that because his daddy was the big boss in heaven and he had authority to do so.
Well Simon did not know what to say because he knew Jesus was telling the truth. Simon knew that he was a fake, he wasn’t all gold he was all shit and brown water and his his mind was really all yellow and plastic. Simon instantly lost his cleverness and the ladder started to tip over and Silly Simon just flipping well fell off it.
Oh dear… poor Silly Simon. I hope he had clean underpants on or his mummy would have been cross with him.
But I think we may have been able to see this fall coming, couldn’t we boys and girls? I know I can. When Silly Simon was falling he suddenly remembered the man that he thought was only made of jelly and ice-cream and hoped that he was still holding the ladder… but he wasn’t. The holder of the ladder realised Simon was silly and selfish and only cared about himself. So he let go of the ladder. 
Whoops… Silly Simon comes unstuck boys and girls!
Whoops… Silly Simon falls from the ladder boys and girls and when he did his bottom made a loud trumping noise when he did too. Trrruuuummmmpppp! Poor trumping Simon. We shouldn’t laugh should we? But sometimes big trumps make us laugh don’t they? Especially smelly ones coming out of someone made of puppy poo and puddle water. If Simon had clean underpants when he went up the ladder he certainly didn’t on the way down.
Silly Simon can’t believe what happens. He thought he was so so clever too.
Simon banged his head, but unlike Jack from the Jack and Jill story, Silly Simon’s head couldn’t be fixed with vinegar and brown paper. It couldn’t even be fixed with super glue either, because if we remember children, Simon wasn’t made from gold he only thought he was. Can you remember what silly Simon was made of? That’s right children he was made from puppy poo and puddle water wasn’t he? So, mums and dads, we know it is blinking impossible to stick those two things together don’t we?
Poor Simon. Silly boy.
The ladder came crashing down with Silly Simon along with it!
When Simon came to Earth he simply splattered all over just just like puppy poo and puddle water would. Yuk. The ladder broke up because it was not complete to start with, but Simon didn’t think of that when he first saw it. He only thought he climb up it and play games on it and he got someone he thought was as silly as himself to hold the ladder for him. He thought the person holding the ladder was not important and only made of jelly and ice-cream anyway, but he was important and, unlike Simon, he was not made of puppy poo and puddle water either. 
Poor Silly Simon came unstuck and broke the ladder as well.
So children please, please, please heed the words of your humble story teller and be warned. Don’t be silly like Silly Simon/Peter. Always check what you are really made of before you start climbing the ladders, especially ladders you believed you discovered, but in reality you only came across. Do not ever lay your ladder on sand when you want to climb it, but most of all don’t treat anyone who willingly holds the ladder for you like a fool or decide they are unimportant simply because you think they are only made of jelly and ice-cream. If you do you may come unstuck and someone like baby Jesus, when he’s all grown up, will come along and tell you off and then you will fall down to the Earth like Silly Simon does.
Remember the story of Silly Simon and the wonky yellow ladder because we don’t want you ending up like Silly Simon will… do we?
“Always remember, boys and girls, mums and dads, that more than one tune comes out of an ice-cream van and also remember that jellies come from many moulds. All houses welcome jelly and ice cream and they are easily digested, but puppy poo and puddle water are not welcome in any home, and if they do appear they are simply mopped up and then discarded”
Bye Bye Boys & Girls. Be Good
Matthew Delooze